Monday, 4 April 2011

A new beginning?

For as long as I can remember I’ve had dreams of achieving something more than what surrounded me. Something different to what I've known. I dreamed of seeing the world, of success. An exciting career, a different life.

I have travelled more than most, I've had fun and I've achieved, yet I still feel so far away from that dream. So now when I think back to what was behind those hopes and ambitions, when I look back from my stand point now, I see it a little differently.

I had wanted to get away, to live something different, be somewhere different, be someone different. But I think it was the thought of taking that leap, of living that change that made me feel alive. I felt the rush inside that I so desperately wanted. I felt free. I felt me.

The highs so far have been amasing but they are perhaps like a Viennese waltz. Sweeping, uplifting, with beautiful irresistible moments. Exciting in its own way, but the exhilaration of a leap, that's a completely different sensation.

When you jump in dance class, really jump, you move, you travel, with energy, with freedom but also with control. You are not hurling yourself, you’re not falling, you leap. You feel the power, the intention and then each and every moment in the air, almost in slow motion. You land purposely, moving seamlessly and freely into the next move. You feel every step. That feeling, the feeling you get in that moment, in that movement, that's what I had wanted. That's what I still want.

And so here I am, really needing to leap and hoping I have the strength in my legs to pull off the move.

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